The Pear Tree

My son, Oliver, discovered the word “why” this week. Not that he wasn’t familiar with it before – just not so intimately acquainted.

For the most part, he reserved this word for things he genuinely didn’t understand. Like why he had to go to bed when it was still light during the summer, or why he couldn’t leave the mall with a new “Thomas” brand train every time we were there.

But lately, he’s been going crazy with it, responding to my carefully thought out answers with an infinity of ‘whys.’

Oliver: Why do we have to go to the store?

Me: Because we need to buy some milk.

Oliver: But why do we need to buy milk?

Me: We need it for your cereal in the morning, and to drink with your meals.

Oliver: Why?

Me: Because it’s good for you.

Oliver: Why?

Me: It makes your bones strong.

Oliver: Why?

Me: Because it’s got calcium in it and bones like calcium.

Oliver: Why?

I once promised myself that I would never fall back on overused parental clichés, but it’s at this point that I finally succumb to convention and end the conversation with, “just because.” And I now appreciate in a way I never did before the reason such pat answers are so popular.

For the most part he’ll be satisfied with that and find something else to do, or question. Which leads me to suspect that the goal is less about increasing his knowledge and more about exercising his right to ask why.

Don’t get me wrong – I encourage inquisitiveness, and will never fault my children for questioning even my own directives when appropriate. I want them to grow up to be people who think for themselves, and who live their lives with understanding.

It’s just that this is a lot of whys. And I can’t help but notice that his part of the conversation is the easy part… and that, for the most part, he doesn’t really pay attention to the answers anyway.

I’ve started turning the tables on him with, “why do you think?” Ninety-nine per cent of the time he already knows.

So is he testing me? Or just trying to keep the conversation going? And, more importantly, why is such a little word, innocently utilized, becoming such a thorn in my side? Why? Just… why?

This is the part of this missive where I’m supposed to offer an answer, or at least a resolution of some sort. But I’ll be the first to admit that I don’t have all the answers – not in life, not in this column and, particularly, not in motherhood. Only more and more questions of my own.

If you’re a parent yourself, you’ll probably relate to this pressure to present yourself as informed (something that qualifies you to be in charge) when there’s no way on this green earth that we can know everything.

And perhaps what bothers me most is that there will come a point when my children will figure this out, and the next stage – which may begin any day now – will involve the blinders coming off and the realization that their parents don’t know everything. And that, of course, leads to them believing shortly after that we in fact know nothing.

Then again, it may be a welcome reprieve – at least for a little while. Why not?

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The Mother Load is a mommy column by Pear Tree editor Lori-Anne Poirier that runs weekly on thecalgarybeacon.com and in The Penticton Herald’s Southern Exposure.

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- Words and photo by Lori-Anne Poirier

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